lunes, 2 de mayo de 2011

Obama / Hogan 2012: The Hulkster is back!

“I am a real American, fight for the rights of every man. I am a real American, fight for your life, fight for what’s right!” – Hulk Hogan’s theme song (professional wrestling)

“Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States…” With those words, the start of Barack Obama’s speech at the 2011 WHCA (White House Correspondents’ Association) gala was officially announced. But this was not just another formal entrance made by a celebrity-politician at the beginning of a banquet sponsored by a nationally renowned American journalism organization. On the contrary, the presentation was “carnivalesque” and had a taste of patriotism with a special flavor from the glorious 80s decade. Recent questionings of Barack’s “Americaness” made by Donald Trump justified any attempt to deviate from tradition. President Obama made a triumphant entrance to the official WHCA podium and Hulk Hogan’s “Real American” song delighted a surprised audience that ranged from “non-profit” journalism organizations like NPR to corporate moguls such as Fox News, MSNBC, and of course, Mr. Donald Trump.

Being an old school professional wrestling fan, I have to admit that Obama’s creative entrance to the banquet was inspiring and powerful. Despite my opposition to many recent American foreign interventions and a whole life denouncing U.S. colonialism in Puerto Rico, hearing that legendary song gave me some small pride on being one of the few graduate students at Penn State that supports and follows the spectacle of excesses known as professional wrestling. I knew someday Barack was going to compensate me for the loan (vote) that he received during the 2008 presidential elections. Yes, he did!

After conquering the hearts of many pro-wrestling fans, what was the next step for Obama? Following such an entertaining presentation at the WHCA event, the inevitable path to pursue by the Commander in Chief of the United States Armed Forces was the development of a strategy that would seek to restore people’s trust on his presidential management. Losing House majority in the 2010 congressional elections and being at the verge of having to close the government in 2011 were difficult moments for his administration. However, not everything seems to be gloomy and negative for the White House incumbent. There is still plenty of time before the 2012 general elections. Obama is aware of this, and for that reason, he decided to bring back the Hulkster from retirement.

Proven to be a successful political advisor during the Ronald Reagan presidency, Hulk Hogan is once again ready to defend the red, white and blue colors of America against the always dangerous geopolitical “others” from abroad. And what an impact he has already made. After a pompous “welcome back” ceremony at the WHCA gala, the Hulkster took over the most hated enemy of America and single handedly knocked him down. The outcome of the battle was well received by the nation’s president. After more than two years in power, Barack Obama finally had his own “Wrestlemania” moment in history.

The victory was celebrated everywhere across the United States of America. Democrats, republicans and non-affiliates were all excited to know that the biggest enemy since the WWE’s Iron Sheik was brought down by the Hulkster. Bin Laden was gone and everyone across the nation celebrated, rioted and partied like it was 1999. At Citizens Bank Park, the Philadelphia Phillies fans reacted as if they have won the MLB World Series. In Washington DC, thousands gathered in front of that historic temple of power known as the White House. In Tampa, Florida, the newly crowned WWE champion John Cena electrified the crowd after announcing that his friend Hulk Hogan made a triumphant return to action and beat the feared leader of Al-Qaeda.

Celebrations were not limited to sports events or the nation’s capital. College towns across the country “rioted for America.” Hundreds of rowdy Penn State students took over the emblematic Beaver Avenue in State College, PA, and had their own frat block party to celebrate the death of Osama bin Laden. A massive choir of proud Nittany Lions performed the “Star Spangled Banner” in front of the iconic “Canyon Pizza” fast food restaurant.

There is no doubt that the Hulkster is back for good. His success during the “Cold War” is still a big motive of inspiration for many people in the United States and abroad. The Barack Obama from 2008 is also back. He promised hope and brought the Hulk. Trump and Palin are now hiding. What they’re going to do when the Barack and the Hulk run together in 2012!? They better say their prayers and eat their vitamins. The Hulkster is back and the new Barack will attack terrorism with the people’s elbow. With Obama-Hogan 2012 (sorry Biden), yes, we can!

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